star above muted worlds

So...

Tomorrow morning my father, who has been my best friend and confidant since I was a tiny child, is going in for a major back surgery. They're working right inside his spinal column so it is quite risky though it does have a high rate of success.

I am scared.

I want my father to get better and feel better. I want my dad to be back to his normal bouncy and excited 60-something year old self.

I am just so scared and worried that I am sitting on my floor shaking and crying. At this point, I would call my dad and talk to him and tell him, "Dad, I'm scared. I don't know how to calm down..."

And he would tell me there is no reason to be scared.
But in this situation he is just as scared as me.

I have no one to calm me down right now.

I am so alone and I have no one to talk to about this with.

I just don't know what I would do if my father doesn't get better or worse. I just...I just can't have it be a possibility. It would destroy me.

I know one day I'll lose my father but I am not ready for that. He taught me how to do all this living life stuff and I don't think I am good at it yet and he and I have made all kinds of plans for adventures that we haven't had and I just am not ready if it all goes bad.

I am completely losing it as I type this.

What do I do?
How am I supposed to not be scared?