And update after the panic attack of my nightmares.

"Who would have ever thought the afterlife would look so much like Ohio?...This is not enough for any heaven I had dreamed. But I am taking the long view. There has to be a back country of the beyond. Beyond this and farther out. Past the dark smoky city on the shore of Lake Erie, through the land locked passages, to the Great Sweetwater Seas..."

- Maggie Anderson.

I keep thinking it would be easier if I had my roommate now, or if I actually had a legit love-relationship for emotional support, or if I had my entire friend group within 20 miles again, or if I could walk to the bar and drink until I couldn't feel anymore. But I don't have and can't do any of those things and I don't think it would be easier. I just kind of have to sleep and hope everything is okay.



Goodnight, I have snuggled with my dog the appropriate amount of time it took to stop my crying, I am going to try and sleep now and hope for good news on the other side of the darkness.

It would just mean the world to me to have a phone call now at the very least, just a voice to help me remember that I am still real. I am just tired of the words and the internet and the screens. I just am so tired of the silence.