Let's just be honest, you killed me for sport.

 

I started my new job, and trust me, it is not lost on me that the woman who doesn't drive because of my severe panic attacks is working in a job where I literally play with toy cars all day to determine insurance fraud in LITERAL ACCIDENTS. Am I asking for a work panic attack? Probably. 

Other than that. Lots of vendor shows this last month. A few this month. But this month is mostly my ghost tour guide job. Oh, and to add to my busyness, I decided to do independent contract work for my old tax job. Just helping get returns out before the October extended deadline. 

But who knows, they want me to come back; maybe I should? I think I would if I could have a job guarantee. The thing about the tax firm is that when leadership is bad, the place is bad (and lay offs are always looming; that's why I got out when they started talking about "restructuring") because it is small. Right now, leadership is great. I really like it. But can I rely on it? The company I have been at for three years now is known for never laying off people and just moving them to different positions instead. That can be bad sometimes... but better than being jobless in the US. A country so well known for not having any social safety nets and a terrible job market for... (looks at invisible watch) literally my entire adult life. 

 We went to Chicago last week for our friend Eevee's baby shower. While there, we found a cool socialist bookstore. When we got back, we also drove the opposite way out to Pittsburgh to film at our friend's arcade. It's been a busy week. This next week will be busy too. 

I also made a playlist that is like a musical timeline for my past relationships leading to my husband. I didn't have much to do in the car for the 6 hour drives. I was using music I was listening to when falling in love/out of love and recent music that reminds me of how I felt during that time. 

I created a kind of table of contents for it; however, I won't be using real names unless it's someone I'm still close with and/or Matt. Just because I want to respect people's privacy of certain individuals and also keep a level of separation from those who may have really hurt me. 

Adam: High School - Early College 

MakeDamnSure to I Want to Be Buried in Your Backyard

Josh: (Josh situation and Various college crushes on straight women) (Chris was in here too, but literally the only song I can think of is the Pokémon theme song I danced to when we finally broke up) 

Your Biggest Fan & A Crush to Pass the Time 

Jerry: (Jer and our on-and-off nonsense that spanned over a decade that was actually just a friendship)

Bad Sun to Your Ex-Lover is Dead

Edward: It was short; I don't have residual thoughts on this one

So Hot You're Hurting My Feelings to Can I Leave Me Too?

Matt: Maybe one of my massive loves, definitely someone who was a soulmate. 

Blah, Blah, Blah to Talia

England

Missing Teeth to Villain 

Georgia: Or, limerence, pretty much. 

Spiralling to if I can't be with you. 

R: Almost two years of losing my fucking mind

Timing is Everything to Eternal Sunshine

Mike: My small crush that I thought was mutual. 

You Don't Think You Like People Like Me

Steve: We're not close anymore, but I don't care about his feelings or his privacy. 

all my ghosts to My Kink is Karma 

Kes & B: no overlap here, but I didn't know how to separate them

Version of Me to You Just Didn't Like Me That Much 

Shawn: This playlist is so long I am glad it can be over. 

Spiracle to Till Death 

I might add more to it as time goes on; sometimes I hear a song, and it takes me back to a feeling or a moment. So we will see. 

Been booking a lot of vendor shows the last few months. In a couple of weeks, I am going to some paranormal conventions and have decided to "ghost" up my merchandise a little more.

Stepping back from my pursuits to get my LMFT, only because of the way the student loan system is turning out in this country right now. I can't imagine maxing out that debt for another Master's when I don't know what the government is doing... 

It was enough to be accepted into multiple programs for now. I can always pick it back up later on if things make sense later. I am more comfortable being in control of my finances with vending on the side and my full-time insurance industry career. 

Oh, I got a promotion at my job. According to many people, it is a very tough and stressful role, and I should get my therapist on speed dial. 

I used to walk into suicide scenes at my apartment job and then had 2 full-time and one part-time job while getting my MFA. I think I can handle helping lawyers decide liability from behind a laptop screen. Probably. 

 

 

We got a sphinx. Her name is Lydia. She's like the size of a rat I owned once.