Went to a tattoo convention and got two new tattoos and met a lovely tattoo artist who I've decided is a new bestie of mine. We discussed designing a fun, long Furby tattoo together.
Got sick of my hair and chopped all my bangs in my bathroom tonight and went downstairs to Shawn like, "Oh yeah, my hair was pissing me off again."
We just got over the flu or something in this house. I literally thought I was going to die. I was so confused. I get vaxxed for everything all the time because I am so immunocompromised that I get sick if someone whispers that they're sick from four houses away from me. What sucks more is we are currently doing a stimulation cycle for IVF. I was so scared that being sick was going to fuck it up that I was furiously googling, "Will drinking liquid iv hurt my ER cycle?" "How high does my fever have to be to harm my stim cycle?" "Will cold medicine interact with IV stimulation medicine?"
It's my last cycle that my work will cover, and I am so nervous. We have a good reserve already. I just wanted a few more embryos saved up.
My friend Eevee and I planned a fun watch party for Love is Blind. I got into the show because my favorite YouTuber started reacting to it, discussing the psychological aspects and using it as a jumping-off point to discuss psychology and attachment styles. I was devouring his content, so I just started watching it as "required reading" for his YouTube channel. This season, they're in Ohio, and of course, it is full of terrible people. My friend is not from here, and she was like, "I can see why you had a lot of trouble finding Shawn and ended up doing a lot of long distance." I was like, "You know, men were somehow worse than this when I was in my 20s." Which is saying a lot because it seems like a lot of the men on this season are MAGA cult members, which is.... just disgusting. Republicans are, quite possibly, the worst of all Americans. Democrats are also terrible, but mostly because they are all spineless.
I forgot to share the ghost hunting experience from Jerome. I feel like I’ll not be as specific just because it’s been a few weeks but I needed time to digest it and also my mom has been in and out of the hospital for several weeks. This last week she was sedated and a machine was breathing for her because she somehow got staph in her lungs, pneumonia, and rsv. Not sure how she accomplished all of that but she’s better now, she’s just back to arguing with me about taking care of herself and lying to me about her smoking habits.
What’s new? It’s been going on for years. I am the only kid left. My sister is gone. My brother blames my mom for my sister’s death and he won’t talk to her anymore. (My mom not leaving her abuser and letting us be physically, emotionally and… well…etc etc etc abused is the reason he blames her). While, yes, I can see the blame being placed there I am old enough to remember her boyfriend pointing guns at her when she threatened to leave and I jumped in front of her several times as a young teen. I remember him hitting her so hard she lost consciousness and when I ran to the phone to call 911 he ripped the phone cord out of the wall. She was a victim too. We were there and while she should have known better she was also young and having lived through my 20s and 30s I know how easy it is to get wrapped up into someone else’s shit and we don’t know how we’re going to handle something until we’re in it.
We live the lives we think we deserve. My mom grew up abused, so she let us be abused, told us that love was letting people hurt you. I think without my relationship to my father I would probably think that was true.
I’ve shown up for my mom everyday even when she was asleep. I brought flowers for her to wake up to. My husband and I drove through a terrible snow storm because I didn’t want to lose another parent in a hospital without being there to say goodbye. It was my worse fear with my father that came true, I can’t let it happen again.
When I was called when we were in Jerome, that she was likely going to die and was being rushed to the hospital I freaked out on everyone. I wanted to run to the airport and get home. I wanted to be able to say goodbye. I am happy she’s alive. I just wish she would take care of herself instead of fighting me at every turn. She used to tell me I hated her. Said she had a bad pregnancy where she almost died so I must hate her. That I was closer with my dad so I must hate her. I really don’t. I don’t hate, as much as I would love to hate people, I can’t.
I do, however, hate the fucking hospital at this point though.
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Now on to the cool shit. Before I got the call about mom we were in Jerome AZ, the first night there we did some ghost hunting in our Airbnb. Here are some random things that happened.
- We did the Estes method where I was listening to the spirit box. I felt a whole ass hand grab my hair on the back of my head and kind of rub. I heard, “going to rough you up good,” in the box and somehow that freaked me out I guess I started crying without realizing someone mentioned it to me after.
- After using the spirit box I went to the kitchen to grab a drink to relax a bit & my friend, Amanda, went into the bedroom because she thought she saw me go in there and she wanted to talk to me about the hunt. She “yipped” and said, “where’s Meg?”
Shawn said, “kitchen?”
She said she saw me folding my sweater over the bed but my hair was in front of my face, ala “The Ring.” Then out of the corner of her eye she saw my shadow in the kitchen at the same time. When Shawn said kitchen I apparently disappeared from the bedroom and my sweater was crumbled at the end of the bed (real me had left it like that hours before).
- the guys went out for a walk to play pokemon go a bit before that and Amanda and I were chatting a bit. She was telling me she thought the people on the bottom half of the Airbnb house were long term renters. I said, “oh I woulda thought all of these places were airbnbs, haha.”
Then a deep manly voice said, “NO!”
At first I thought Amanda was putting on a voice or coughing at the same time she was talking right behind me but then she said,
“Did you fucking hear that?”
“That wasn’t you?”
“Girl, no!”
“Shit that was fucking cool.”
- A couple other weird things happened specifically to Amanda and her fiance, Abe but I don’t remember all of them and they were more third hand because I was either asleep or doing Estes method when they happened. Like Abe saw a brown cat several times in the Airbnb. The Airbnb did not come with living pets, unfortunately. Also Abe had a weird experience in the bathroom where he thought he saw a hand in the smoke of his vape but I wasn’t there for any of that, so can’t confirm or deny.
Anyway it was pretty rad. Also we did some claw machine content there (well AZ in general) too and it was a good time.
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