Getting as many conversations together as possible…

 

2003: High School

Me: (sitting at my best friend Nicole’s house who I have known since 2001 playing video games. her house phone rings. It is my sister)

Heather: Meg, mom wants to know Nikki’s phone number.

Me: Heather… you called here didn’t you?

Heather: Oh… yeah. 

—

2009: Heather at 19/20

Heather: (driving) grab that piece of paper out of my purse. It’s a poem Tom wrote for me.

Me: (suspicious) He was in my 10th grade English class when he was 20 years old. I don’t believe this man has read a poem.

Heather: No it’s really good though.

Me: (opens paper) “Heather I love you more than beer.”

Heather: See?!

Me: Heather, he says he loves you more than beer. This is poetry to you?

Heather: Megan, what you need to understand is that Tom REALLY loves beer.

Heather: You’re only jealous because you’re single!

Megan: Well, maybe I am single because someone writing a one sentence poem about me and comparing me to a beverage is like not the kind of relationship I want.

Heather: Ok well maybe you should lower your standards because Megan, men like beer.

Megan: Oh Jesus Christ. 

——

2008- going to Andover with a boyfriend to introduce him to my mom & sister.

Heather (sees us walking around the square and jumps out of her truck) Megan! I gotta show you my tattoos. (Takes off her shirt in broad daylight and shows my ex and I her brass knuckle tattoos on her chest)

Megan: Heather why did you get brass knuckles?

Heather: Because I am a gangsta!

Megan: Heather there is a horse farm next to our house and we are surrounded by corn! Your first boyfriend’s name was Bubba! 

Heather: Well, I am a country gangsta. Anyway someone did these for free. Also, Bubba was his nickname.

Megan: That is worse because he was 17 and still going by Bubba!