But I’ve kissed enough bathroom sinks to make up for the lovers that never loved me…

 Finally put my home up for sale that I had been living at since 2018. I have a lot of memories there and I experienced a lot of growth. I mean, I bought the house all by myself with just my savings and my little full time job at a retail store I managed. I worked really hard to even get it and it means a lot to me that I was able to achieve that. 

I had a bit of trauma there as well. From bad roommates because I have a penchant to try & take in strays of all varieties to just straight up letting my heart get put in a meat grinder in front of me a couple times by past loves. 

Like how many times was I standing in that foyer on those blue tiles crying? I’ve lost count. 

In this moment I just remember the good things from my early 30s. The bad dates that were so bad they were funny. The good times with my roommates. The little parties I held at my house. Inviting my old boss and her late husband over to see it the first time and then telling me they were so proud of me. One of the last times I saw my grandmother alive we were sitting in my living room and my mom was telling me how jealous she was of my place. Meeting Shawn for the first time in person - after video chatting and animal crossing for months - was in my foyer. 

I really loved that house. I just had these visions for it - what I wanted it to be but I was barely scraping by with a single income to make those things happen. It was the perfect little house for me though and it had all the things I wanted. 

The moment I walked into that foyer and saw the tile and the large staircase I knew it was the place I was going to get. I didn’t even need to see the rest of it. I just knew. I’ve learn through a lot of trial and error that the one thing I am good at is just knowing.

It’s hard to see it up for sale. I am using a realtor team who helped me buy it in 2018, helped us buy our new place so I am confident everything will go well. It’s still just hard though because I cannot imagine anyone loving it as much as I did. But I hope someone does - I just hope someone can get it who can put all the love into it that I couldn’t. I just hope it’s everything to someone like it was to me.

Does everyone feel this way about the first house they buy? 

And I know my body is just dirty clothes. I’m tired of washing my hands. God, I wanna go home.