Today I feel really depressed for whatever reason. Well, for many perceived reasons.
I'm sick: For the last few weeks since coming home from England. The smell/sight/idea/preparation of food has made me nauseous. I don't want to eat food. Except I still get super hungry and then when I do eat I get sick. In fact the only thing I've been able to keep down the last few weeks have been vegetables and such. I was going to say vegetarian things but then I remembered that the first thing I got sick off of was cereal that I was eating on 1/10.
I super hardcore miss my boyfriend: Well, it goes without saying really that I miss him. I mean, it is really hard to go from seeing someone everyday for a month to not seeing them at all. It is also really hard to see them on a webcam when whenever you're talking you want to wrap your arms around them or something to feel closer to them. It is for the reason that I can't physically touch him that I think I miss him the most. Talking to him now is like interacting with an interactive memory. I appreciate being able to talk to him, I just want to be able to touch him, I guess? Is that weird? Probably. I'm pretty weird.
I dislike at the moment school to the 100th degree: I seriously cannot stand doing class things anymore. It is probably doubled in effect because I'm watching people around me advance and move with their life with or without a college education. Like I told my dad earlier: I'd love to work 9-5 and get a huge paycheck just have time to do other things. I mean, I may be made for academia and college. I might be really good at it but in my heart, academia is really the last thing I am holding on to. It seems like it is just getting in the way of what I really want to do. I may take this back when I'm working 9-5 at some job and am old and sick of it all. But right now I think I just want the new experience of taking care of myself completely. Rather than using school and a school job as a buoy to keep me afloat at 24.
It is very cold: No, seriously, it is. I hate the cold. For real. :/ I just want to lay under my huge puffy purple comforter for the rest of the day.
get a job and do it, it probably will be the incentive
ReplyDeleteyou need for wanting to get back in school ;-)
Well, I only have a semester left. Also I'll end up having the same minimum wage job if I graduate or not. I'll just have the same job with a degree which if I end up getting my masters will hold me back in hours anyway.
ReplyDeleteIts just a big fuck you orgy out there for recent graduates. So I mean, if I got a job and ended up doing really well at it, I might not have incentive to go back at all.
When I go to school I'm spending money I don't have. I don't have a safety net nor do I have a 'next step' for when I graduate. So I'll probably end up working at sears or mcdonalds like everyone else whose graduated before me.
That's a lie, I'm probably going to be hopping to another country after I graduate for a little while.
ReplyDeleteTrue and then when we get back over there I'll be with you so things won't seem as bad. Which goes for the stuff I'm dealing with too. <3
ReplyDelete