I say literally a lot in this blog.

So after all of my flipping out over my Women in Europe Midterm and stress alcoholism I found out today that I got *almost* a perfect score in it.
WHAT?! I don't know how.


The same thing happened when I took my first Poli Sci test. I barely studied because I didn't know what to expect. So I just read the notes...over and over again. I take good notes, verbatim notes really. But when I got to the test I just felt like I forgot every thing. So when the 6 page, 50 multiple choice question test and scantron sheet were sitting in front of me...I freaked. Literally. I was cold sweating and shaking. And whimpering to myself. I read the first question. No idea. I read the second question. No idea. Kept reading. Kept thinking,


"WHAT IS THIS?!"

"WHAT LANGUAGE IS THIS? IS THIS ENGLISH?"

"CAN I JUST DIE RIGHT NOW? OH MY GOD THIS CAN'T BE REAL. THIS IS A DREAM. I AM DREAMING."

Then I calmed down. And I just took it one question at a time. I relied heavily on my logic and what "sounded right." Because none of this stuff was familiar to me AT ALL.

There was a lot of times during the Poli Sci test where I was just like... "It could be A...or it could be...C..." and then I just pick one I haven't seen in awhile.


Anyway we also had to turn in a case study written up that day. The next week when Dr. Porter handed them back in the top corner there was a grade for our test and in the middle there was a grade for the Case Study.
Well...I didn't know which was the placement. I thought the middle and biggest one was the one for the test. And It was some strange elliptical looking marshmallow-ghost shaped thing. With a line on the bottom. Almost like a "D" on it's side.
I didn't want to look stupid so I didn't ask. I just stared at it and showed it to every one...like "WHAT IS THIS?" "It is a '0' isn't it?! I am going to have to drop this class!" Then there was a very clear defined "A" in the corner.

Well, Wednesday I was talking to this kid in my class and he said something about failing the last test and getting an A on the case study. So I asked which was which. He told me the middle one was for the case study and the one in the corner was for the test.

I literally died.

Okay.

I got an A.

On a test that I had no idea what I was even doing.
Where I literally contemplating cutting myself with paper.
Seriously.

Anyway, this same thing happened during this Women in Europe test. I studied a little, a lot really. But my normal method of studying "writing out what is important from my notes and then using my photographic memory to remember it," didn't seem to be working. Normally after I read something like that I can usually remember it for a while after I pull it away. But it wasn't happening. I would forget everything almost as soon as I wrote it down.
I couldn't remember key names like Idolette DeBure and Katherine von Bora. I was just like... "THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!"

I literally thought I was going to completely fail this test. I sat there outside before the test just planning my own funeral. I was like..."Okay...so you know you're going to get an F. What are you going to do? What grade do you need to get to at least pass this class? I wonder what stripping pays in Youngstown?"



I am so dumb in the way that I don't even know all of the things that I know.
Seriously...I just write and things come off of my pen. I don't even know where they come from.
I just sit there writing after every answer..."Is this right?" and put some sad faces in my blue book. Or "I'm sorry I'm really dumb but is this right...if it is wrong I am so sorry for wasting your time."

Then I open the freaking thing today.
I was just in complete disbelief that I even knew these things or that they were even close to being right.

HOLY FUCK.

HOLY FUCK.

And I have one today.

---

Maria: I think you should move to Charleston. I think you would love it there.
Megan: I like Youngstown.
Maria: Look at this house in Charleston.
Megan: *STARES wide eyed* It is so...colorful. I NEED IT.
Maria: See!
Megan: You do know that never in my life will I ever be able to afford anything that nice?
Maria: I know, neither of us will.
Megan: Then don't tease me with your architecture.
-

[Everyone talking about commitment/sex in Jazzmans.]
Megan: I can't sleep with someone I don't trust.
Matt: COME ON! If I did that I would never sleep with anyone. Even when I was with Bitch [his ex] I didn't trust her at all. I still slept with her.
Megan: You don't trust...anyone?!?
Matt: Not one person.
Megan: Not even me.
Matt: [looks away]
Megan: You don't trust...me? [pouts]
Matt: I mean...you do seem really non-threatening. I can trust you not to DRIVE away with any of my stuff.
Megan: That is true.
Matt: But you might take a bus.
Megan: Yeah but I couldn't take as much stuff.
Matt: Would you take my big boat. [Maria/Matt/Megan all have a hilarious inside joke about Matt's "big boat." Because his ex tweets about how she misses it.]
Megan: [screams] OH YES! I would take your BIG BOAT on the bus with me!
[Everyone looks, Matt starts blushing.]
Megan: That's for the driving joke, buddy. You are welcome.
-

Matt: So I was in my truck...
Megan: Is this going to be another story that inevitably leads to some diatribe directed at me because I don't drive.
Matt: YES! Learn to DRIVE!
Megan: I am going to go WALK to grab my food and WALK back. AND you know what...
Matt: What?
Megan: I am going to love every fucking step I take. God damn it! And you know what else?
Matt: *laughing* Hmm?
Megan: I don't have to buy fucking gas. So fuck your fucking truck.
Matt: *falls over laughing*
Megan: Fuck.
Matt: Hahaha, you hate me so much...don't you?
Megan: No I don't hate you at all, I just like to say fuck.
-

[Everyone moves to a different bar. Megan runs into another friend, everyone sits together.]
Nicole: Let's talk about Megan's bedroom habits.
Megan: NO! Let's not!
Nicole: Why not? We're all friends here.
Megan: Can you please stop bringing up my repressed sexuality in every conversation.
Nicole: No. [Continues asking group about me.]
Megan: [Balls up, covers ears] :(