As smart as geek is chic right now...

I really need to stop drinking so much coffee. I had a friend over for some coffee drinking and trying to convert them to a Californication watcher. Which was successful, because I am an excellent salesperson. Also, Californication is an excellent show...so it is kind of an easy sell. I had a harder time selling baby pictures to parents when I worked at the portrait studio.

OT rant about the studio: We had to sell down. Start at the highest priced collection and work down...every time. Well...they highest price collection had a blanket and 12x13 canvas print of your pictures...right? Anyway whenever I presented this collection to someone getting senior pictures/birthday pictures/baby pictures or something I always felt REALLY REALLY stupid. But I did it anyway, because that is me, I do my job to the letter even when I know it is stupid.

Though I judge reactions to things pretty well and can read non verbal cues really quickly. So that was always helpful. So when I was down selling I would often stop half way through describing the $700 collection if I picked up on the negative body language of the client. Once I noticed someone get REALLY uncomfortable when I mentioned getting a blanket made of their photos and I said without looking at them, "I know...it is creepy. A giant blanket of your child just laying around on your couch." Then they stared at me for a second and responded, "I seriously...was just going to say that."

I ended up selling a 300 dollar collection to that customer anyway, I think they knew I was awesome at that point, so it was easy. But I hate retail with every bone in my body, so if I ever worked at a studio again I would probably drown myself. I'd like to just do the photography and for someone else to do all the selling/checking out/dealing with contact calls. AND SMILE SEARCHING. God did I hate that. Smile Searching. I just remembered how much I hated it. I don't know if Sears is still allowed to do it but we used to have to walk around the fucking mall to look for children and then talk their parents into coming into our studio for pictures and offer them a free 8x10. It was creepy as fuck.

My lines: "Hello, how're you? I'm Megan from Sears Portrait Studio, we're looking for new models for some of our displays in the studio/we're testing new backgrounds/we're testing new props I was wondering if you would like to get some pictures taken of your child/children today? This will be no cost to you and you will get a free 8x10."

Even when they were excited and said yes, I was creeped out.
I thought it was like stalking. Or scary. If someone came up to me saying they wanted to take pictures of my kid to test props or for displays I would make the O___O face and walk away.

That rant was much longer than I thought it would be, I forgot what I was trying to make the topic of this blog. But it probably had something to do with anxiety about tests and papers. My friend thinks I should just start writing some best sellers...I should...but I want to write a novel even less than I want to write a 20 page capstone research paper. Here is a list of things I would rather do than write this capstone:

• Drink bleach. 
• Drink window cleaner.
• Go in my dishwasher and have someone turn it on. 
• Stick my hand in my garbage disposal. 
• Stick other body parts of mine in my garbage disposal. 
• Choke to death on something embarrassing.
• See my walls start bleeding a la a scary movie
• Die alone and utterly unloved. 
• Have a sexual relationship with any other history major. 
• Stick my hand in a mouse trap, and eat arsenic. 
• Smoke a cigarette. 
• Listen to ICP on repeat.

And I would really prefer not to do any of those things. Ever. Ever. Especially the last one.
ESPECIALLY the ninth one. *shudder*

Because I'm pretty sure that walls bleeding would be a lot more fun than being felt up by a weirdo who only talks about how much they hate the roman calendar, love L.A.R.P, hates all females because we 'friend zone,' never showers, rubs their bulbous beer gut, and then constantly goes: "I like football, herp derp."

What? History majors are so fucking weird.
Then the female ones are either Maria/Megan/Nikki or complete and utter catty fucking bitches.

There was a history major who sits behind Maria and I in the coffee shop sometimes and she screamed at one of the baristas to "clean the crumbs off the table" and wouldn't sit there until they did. Standing there like the crumbs were going to attack her. Are you kidding? They were crumbs. Also in Jazzman's you basically have to clean off the table you want to sit at yourself, it is kind of the unwritten rule of Jazzman's.

Then there is Baraka, who takes all the same classes as me on purpose....just so she can try and do better than me. We had a test in one of our classes in Spring 2011 and she got so pissed at me because I got a 98% and she got a 70% and she literally said..."But...that isn't possible...I'm more intelligent than you..."
Yeah...I stared at her. Then she said, "Well...I act more intelligent than you." So I shrugged and gave her that one since I was definitely making little cat people out of construction paper as we were talking.

Also...this happened today:

Dr. Ayana: Who needs these notes from Friday?
Megan: Oo, oo, oo, ME! Pick me! Meow.
Dr. Ayana: *laughing* (clearly not surprised by my reaction)
Girl: *stares at me*
Megan: I'm too excited to be alive.
Girl: I don't...understand you...
Megan: I hear they have a club of people who don't understand me. I'm pretty sure it is 99.9% of the world's population.
Girl: *Stares*
Megan: MAYBE IT CAN BECOME YSU SYNDICATED!
Dr. Ayana: *still laughing*

My old, foreign, professor gets me. That's probably sad.
Or just live my life on my tumblr...because I'm pretty sure my tumblr blog is a super accurate description of what goes on in my head 24/7.

Colors, cats, colors, coffee, meow, cats, books, cats, meow, coffee, colors, pretty things, plants, colors, something sappy and romantic, coffee.

Yup.