Megan: What is lychee?
Graham: A fruit?
Megan: Yeah it is in my drink.
Graham: It looks really weird.
Megan: It looks like a baby hedgehog.
pause
Megan: The real one, not Sonic.
--
Everyone is listening to Queen
Megan: You know who I don't trust...people who dislike Queen.
I seriously just remembered to log into neopets to collect my dailies. I opened up the page a couple hours ago (and wrote some of this) and then something more important happened. And I forgot about it completely. I almost logged off/turned off my computer a minute ago. Decided to finish writing this blog first.
Oh my god I'm so tired.
Listening to music that makes me feel better because I'm going to inevitably go lay on the couch on the living room and feel like the darkness is going to eat me. Seriously I never sleep any more because I just look around and feel like the living room items are judging me/encircling me. This is probably hallucinations from generally not sleeping. Coupled with the fact that I don't feel completely comfortable here. Trying.
Also it helps that when everyone goes to bed I start to realize how super lonely I am. Just something to deal with I guess. I keep deciding that I will feel other ways...like hopeful and such. Excited even. And I do in some ways for some reasons. But I can't make myself do anything. I think that I'd just like to go home and start rebuilding my life. Since I tossed a lot of it out to move over here. I suppose this is a normal emotional reaction to things that have happened to me the past few months.
Right now I feel like I'm chilling in someone's home base waiting to go back and start sorting through the wreckage of my own. I know it won't be nearly as bad as I see it in my head. It is almost that feeling when you're having a very bad dream. (Well, when I'm having a bad dream, because I'm the only person I know who has dreams like this.) Where something is holding you down and stopping you from waking up whenever you try to get out of said dream. That feeling. I keep thinking I'm going to blink and then I'll be on a plane.
Maybe I'm just excited to start over. It could be. I'm not bad at beginnings.
I'm excited about a lot of things. I'm looking forward to things.
I keep thinking something really good and awesome is going to happen.
That I should stay awake for it.
Which is really funny because really awesome things keep happening to me. You'd think I'd just go to sleep because it'll happen anyway. But nope.
Anyway, I'm done questioning everything. From now on...I'm just going to do it. If it seems like a good idea and makes me feel happy/good. Then I'm just going to jump in. Every time I've hesitated or have been scared of doing something everything goes to shit for me.
But really, I'd think I'd stay up this late regardless. All the people I look forward to talking to are on around these times anyway. With a few of them, I feel like it isn't really a complete night unless I get to joke around with them. And my sleeping will go back to 'normal' once I'm home probably and my friends are down the street from me or at least in the same time zone.
I love this video so much.
Makes me want to dance around Youngstown like that.
Except with the kissing all the random boys part.
I'll stick to kissing boys that I really like and don't just want to face rape.
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