Empty.

Been spending the last couple hours on facebook/Etsy looking up like random home decor things for my tattoo flash wall situation that I really haven't finished yet because I am LAZY. 

I also have been watching or, I guess, trying to watch Ghost Hunters lately. I know that it sounds silly but It has been over two years since I watched the last episode of Ghost Hunters I would ever watch with my father. You may not know that watching this show was a bonding activity for us. The last episode we watched together was when Jason Hawes brought on his daughter to join the team. I remember my dad going, “That is like you and me, Meggie!” At a point where they investigated together, he pointed at the tv. It has been really hard to watch it without him. I keep seeing the group have funny moments and all I keep thinking is “I want to text dad and tell him to watch this” or “I can’t wait until dad sees this, he’ll totally laugh.” And then I remember that I can’t do that. 

I know it sounds stupid. But we all have those silly rituals and traditions with the people we care about. That was our little thing. I still think of those memories every day, I can still visualize walking into his apartment and seeing him sitting in front of his computer. I still remember him in his good moods bouncing around the house singing silly songs to himself trying to cheer me up. I remember his heavy sighs when I do something dumb, I still hear them from time to time when I do things dumb now. I still remember the sound of his laugh, I still get excited to tell him about things in my life. 

I can summon my father in my mind almost perfectly and I just want to pull him through. I would give anything to have this not be my reality. 

Anyway, I guess life could be worse?

Maybe.