Changes and Exciting things afoot.

I haven't posted in almost an entire year. I am sure I have lots of random people checking this blog whether they have good intentions or not...I am not sure I care?

At some point, I turned 30. I opened up my eyes into a new decade in my new city with my new life.

It is pretty weird.

• I am finishing up my MFA degree soon. My thesis is in the works. I am excited to share my short and surreal ghost stories with the world. I hope that they end up being exactly what I want them to be. I received my initial commentary about them from my mentor. I will post that all together once I have fully read and self-reflected on my draft. 
• My best friend of 18 years and I got "matching" tattoos in January. 
  
  
  
  

Of course, I got an Espeon one, because I am 12. Obviously.

• I am getting a promotion soon. Which is nice because I work myself to death at my company. 
• Getting ready to find a more permanent location for my life. Or at least a place that is more suited to spend the next decade of my time. 
• My friend is getting married this month. We were single around the same time a few years back and really bonded through our shared love of tarot cards and shared hate for flaky people. I am excited for her and I love her. My friends' happiness is my happiness. 

In non-exciting or happy news. I have been dealing with the loss of my last connection to my Dad's side of the family. My aunt died of cancer in January. It still is fucking with me quite a bit. I have a lot of regrets about turning inward to deal with my Dad's loss and kind of pushing people away from me, including my aunt. I don't know what my thought process was other than I was angry that my dad was gone and all these people were telling me "it was going to be ok." When, you know, it clearly wasn't and isn't ok. So many times I wanted to reach out to her after my father passed and each time my heart would just ache when I thought about her/him to the point that the only way to stop the pain was to distract myself with non-serious things. Like work. Like exercise. Like writing. Like cleaning my house. 

I distracted myself right into a pit where I couldn't even see the people I was losing around me. 

A few months later my mom ended up in the hospital. My sister had found her clinging to life in her bedroom. She had passed out because of her unchecked/undiagnosed diabetes and her penchant for starving herself. 

I literally left my job when my sister called me. 

"Megan, you need to come home right now. RIGHT NOW. I found mom in her room. I got her heart beating again but my friend [a paramedic] who picked her up told me it wasn't looking good." 

When I finally got into Andover my mom was in the ER just completely blue. She looked and felt like an ice cube. She had these tubes and machines basically breathing for her and I went over and touched her finger and her eyes flickered. She woke up. She asked me if I was an angel. I said, "Its me, mom." 

She said, "Meggie..." and started crying. The nurse came to calm her down but told me to keep her talking. So I tried to come up with like, random stupid things to talk about. That was hard because it seems stupid to ask someone how their fucking backyard garden is coming when they were just literally dead. 

My mom is fine now. They brought her out of her shock/coma or whatever and she is living a life. She still has a lot of medical problems induced by not taking care of herself and not caring about herself. But she is alive.

And I am alive.
That is the best that we can do.