"Megan, are you awake?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooo. I mean, yeah, yeah now I am."
"Well, so tell me about your date last night."
"Jeanette, I don't think you understand how insanely awful it was. Let me paint you a picture. Imagine, Jeanette, super hot Pittsburgh-doctor guy says to you, 'I really like you! I want to hang out with you. You are so funny!' But you're so weird and scared you keep putting it off. But he bothers you enough, you're like, 'Okay, dude, come over tonight.'
"Then - he comes over. He comes over and you hang out for 7 hours and watch Netflix and just laugh and joke around the whole time. Then he hugs and leaves. Then is short with you for a week and a half until you text him to just see how he is because something in your head told you to. Plus he is so super hot. Like top 5 hottest guys you ever sat next to. He is all five of them.
"Then he talks to you a bit and randomly says, 'Hey, I was talking to my friends in DC and they want to expand their business to the Youngstown area and I thought of you - can I come over and show you some of their stuff?' And you're like, Oh my god, this is perfect. DC is your soul city and super hot doctor guy wants to help you connect with people in your soul city. So you're like, 'Yeah, I mean okay, sure come over I can look at it.' But you also sort of think he is only trying to come up with a reason to come over so he can see you again, yeah, because you're super hot too right? Super hot apartment management lady. Right?
"He comes over and pulls up this fucking power point and he wants to have you sign up for a mother fucking PYRAMID SCHEME that Amway bullshit. But you're so nice, I mean, he drove all the way over to your house from Pitts, you're so nice you listen to his entire pointless presentation. And roll your eyes. And you're just thinking, WHY you're so cute. Damn why you do this?! Now you think he's an idiot but he's so cute you still just want to make out with him. So whatever, he finishes his b.s. Then you get rid of him as awkwardly as possible."
"That is truly weird and awful. What a douche bag."
"I know, but I still want to make out with him."
"Megan, you don't want to make out with him, he does Amway."
"Jesus Christ, I know. Seriously, what the fuck? Why are all the cute ones so dumb?! Doesn't going to school and getting your MD. make you immune to stupid financial decisions?"
-
In other awkward conversation news here is some conversations I have with my cleaning person at work:
Amanda: Did you know one of the residents has a crush on you?
Megan: Not again.
Amanda: Yeah, he is always like, "Do you know the pretty one? Is she working today?" And I am like, "Megan?" He says, "Yeah! I always try to make up reasons to go talk to her but she is never there."
Megan: Oh good lord.
Amanda: Does this happen a lot?
Megan: Lets just say if I got a month of free rent for every time a resident was in love with me...well, I wouldn't have to work here anymore.
Amanda: You don't want to date any of them?
Megan: Even if I wanted to, I don't. I couldn't. I think it is because of fair housing. "What you do for one you must do for all." I am not that kind of girl. Plus imagine you being the landlord and your partner not paying their rent. Awkward.
-
Megan: Amanda, could you go clean the 3rd floor laundry room on the north side? Someone complained it was gross or something.
Amanda: Ok. Anyway, are you sure you don't want to date [resident who likes you]. He has a big truck!?
Megan: I am walking away now.
Amanda: [follows] Come on! I am serious! It is a really nice truck.
Megan: Lalalalalala
Amanda: The seats go back! It is really big.
Megan: Amanda, one thing you should know about me if you don't learn anything about me while I am your boss, there is a number of big things someone could have that will impress me a truck is not on that list. It is so far off that list it is on another list.
Amanda: But he really likes you!
Megan: Amanda, even if I wanted to date a resident, I couldn't. Then if I could date a resident it wouldn't be mister big truck scared of the internet is thirty but looks fifty smokes a lot dude.
Amanda: But...
Megan: CLEAN.
-
Amanda: I found out another resident likes you. Wanna know who it is?
Megan: [not looking up] If I give you ten bucks will you go buy me some coffee?
Amanda: Are you trying to get rid of me because you don't care about who likes you?
Megan: [not looking up,pulls out cash] Cream, caramel swirl. Get whatever you want.
"If you only listen with your ears, I can't get in."
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