My newsfeed is full of Chardon related things...

It is making me super sad.

I am just happy that Nicole's brother and sister aren't high school age anymore. 

This sucks and is super sad and lame. I've been to Chardon numerous times and it is like Andover's twin town, right next to it and all, just a little bit bigger. So it blows my mind that there would be a shooting there. 

I want to write something really smart, concise, and meaningful here. But I don't feel like any of those things right now. I feel that weird "hating humans" feeling that I got when there was that frat house shooting here last year. I really don't know how to calculate violence, I don't know why people get violent, it scares me. 

For as much as I hated my own school and a lot of the people in it when I was growing up. I would have never hurt anyone else. In fact, I was on the edge most of the time of hurting myself, but had support to keep me from doing that. I don't understand people who feel the need to hurt someone else because for as much as I have been hurt/tortured/beaten etc etc. I never wanted to cause harm to another person. 

Whatever, it is all stupid. I was super busy yesterday and didn't really have time to stop and process. But now that I am processing and see how all of my friends are in some way affected by this...I'm just angry. And I'm upset because things like this are the norm now for people, like, "Oh yeah, you know, I hate everyone so I am going to hurt them." I know people who talk like that, personally. And they scare me. 

I just... 

I don't know. 

I want life to stop being a weird Suessical-not-make-sense machine. 

I want to put in everything I've got and get something worth it. 

Instead...

I get a brick wall. 

That I'm talking to apparently.