She appears composed, so she is I suppose, who can really tell?

Yesterday I seriously washed everything/cleaned out my suitcases. Now I'm debating on whether or not I should cut down everything to one suitcase. Which is possible. Maybe. Off the top of my head I can already think of 6 clothing items I could easily toss out and not miss.

3 pairs of jeans that don't fit me anymore - too big. 

2 shirts that are way too tight on me that I brought on accident. 

1 shirt that I was given at some point. 

1 white beach dress thing that I bought before I came here...because it was on this ridiculously cheap sale. But lets be serious...I can't see me wearing it. 

1 pair of shoes that I've worn out completely. 

I'm also probably going to leave behind my laptop power cord adapter and my other random appliance adapter. Because, lets be serious, I probably won't need them any time soon. Even when/if I come up to spend July in London with Maggie I could just purchase an actual  laptop plug that doesn't require the bulky adapter. 

So basically this will leave me with about a handful of clothing items...Let me clarify that I already bought my whole wardrobe. My whole wardrobe fits in one suitcase comfortably. I think the bulkiest part of my wardrobe is my insane collection of cute panties and cute socks. That for some reason I keep collecting. Though I'm sure that I left a couple pairs of each behind...which is really lame because my panties were/are really expensive. For something that few people ever see they're seriously the most expensive thing that I wear. (Few people meaning mostly me & my old roommate) But I can't help it, when I see that 5 for 25 things at Victoria's Secret I just spend hours on the website collecting cute things in my cart. 

(Still sad that my muffin panties got destroyed at Dan's house because his washing machine is a demon creature.) 

Anyway, if I throw anything else out I'll probably be almost naked when I arrive home. So I've been putting off organizing things because it almost feels like too much to do. 

The only other thing I can think that is taking up loads of space is my big purple towel. And I'm definitely not getting rid of that because I love it so much. :P

The original plan was to leave a suitcase here anyway..since I wasn't going to be going back for "that long." But now I am and that is going to be another 65 - 75 dollars to pay for this stupid extra bag. It could be a carry on but seriously I can't maneuver it at all. I already have trouble walking with my carry on laptop backpack since I have no upper body strength. Like a kitten or something. 

I also think I'm partially putting it off because I think I'm going to miss my new "housemates" a lot. Five and a half months of feeling like I don't belong in England and then I come and stay here. I actually feel like I have friends again. I actually feel like I'm a likable and awesome person. 

I keep procrastinating. Going on tumblr for hours, listening to music, getting stuck in thoughts. 

But I think it all all the thoughts keep boiling down to that I don't belong here and that I never did. That this isn't where I'm "supposed" to be. Even though I don't really believe in a set destiny for people. I think that you kind of already know where you fit in and belong. I think I've been spending 6 months trying to shove the wrong piece into a part of the puzzle it doesn't fit. When really the right piece was in front of me the whole time. I may have even picked it up and looked at it. 

Eh, I need coffee and to wake up completely. There needs to be some contemplating of packing to be done. 

But I think I'd rather have a hug.