Starting tomorrow...

Is the second week of classes of my 'senior' year(s) of college. I have only a few more classes to finish and I'll be done. I reflect on this as I'm working at the front desk of a dormitory. Answering phones, calling taxis for these residents who can't speak English well, checking every person who walks in, and signing in non residents.

I barely have time to think about this essay (one out of two) that I must write to turn my two incomplete courses into As. I also have yet to receive a response from the teacher who assigned these essays even though I've emailed her two weeks ago.

As a 24 year old with a facebook I open up my newsfeed and this is what I see:

Blahtey McBlahface just changed her work information to English Teacher at T. Blaherson Memorial High School.

Facer Blahs just wanted to let everyone know that Whatshisface and I are expecting our 2nd child.

Dudeface BlahandBlah is now married to Bitchface BlahandBlah

Creepy O'Blah just changed his current residence to Virginia Beach, Virginia.

Creepy O'Blah is so glad he just got that promotion Virginia Beach is ace.

Now...I mean...besides the nonsensical names and my uncreative name of a school this is pretty accurate to what I see every time I log on to facebook. If it wasn't for the fact that I have no other way to contact some people other than on facebook I'd delete the whole thing all together.

My friend Nicole and I were speaking of this issue a week ago. We agreed that we feel like everyone is moving ahead in their lives and for some reason we aren't making any progress. How we must seem pitiful to the people who see us in their newsfeed. Because nothing important, impressive, or grown-up is happening to us.

I think this is geared mostly to our high school peers whom even though many didn't go to college seem outwardly to have way more going on for them in life. Kids, 9-5 jobs, families, homes, all the things that we want. Nicole has a degree but no job within that field, I have a college job but no degree. It seems to us that we just can't get out of these situations. When every one you've ever despised or admired, every person you grew up with is experiencing 'the life' that you always wanted and it is right in your face like that it makes you sort of feel like shit.

One particular thing we focused on was our past high school relationships and how our extremely immature (at the time) exes were now engaged or moved-in with someone they had only dated a year. When we dated these men for 3 and 4 years respectively. While we both agreed that we are much happier in the relationships we are in and that we'd much rather have spent a long time with our new boyfriends rather than wasting that time with the two people we dated we both couldn't help but feel piteous and almost "not good enough." She was going through her piteous stage on that particular evening. I had already completed that about 2 years ago now I've let it go. But yes, I told her that I had felt this way when I first found out my ex was moving in with a girl he was only dating for a year.

We thought of how fast time had gone. Only 6 years now since we graduated and so much has happened. So much has happened to everyone around us, but not much has happened to us.

We changed, we still love each other, we're still best friends. But besides getting degrees and working our asses off we don't have much we can show for it. Maybe some debt now, some hugely horrible failed relationships, but we are no closer to living the life we both wanted. That duplex close to some city. Her art on my wall, my books dedicated to her. In 6 years our counterparts have lived more life than we have and in the interest of being 'safe' or 'smart' we've abandoned this chance.

But at 24...we still have a lot of life to lead. And while I know that we will have all these things that we want. I can't help but to agree with her in some ways. I gave up a lot of dreams. In high school I wanted to attend NYC as a journalism major and write for the New York Times. When I realized my family was way too poor and I wasn't smart enough to receive the aid/scholarship to go I gave up on this and applied for a technical school. Because I thought this technical school would be quicker and cheaper it became my ideal. Then...I gave that up for a future with a guy. I don't know what Nicole's dreams were in high school other than wanting to move to Japan. But I lost mine. I got lost in a make believe future and I got lost in the idea that I wasn't good enough for the dreams I had. I know she got lost in those things too.

But, I'm happy that we got lost together...there is no other friend that I'd rather share this experience with.

P.S. An ELI student walked past me and he smelled so good. Like lilacs. Sorry, I'm easily distracted.