I feel like this is never going to end...

I have some good news and some bad news. I'll tell you the good news first. I am getting another poem published. Probably in the July issue of the Birmingham Arts Journal. So check that magazine out and let me know what you think.
Birmingham Arts Journal

The bad news is: Now that school is winding down I'm once again feeling that stir of upsetting feelings. I feel like there is so much I want to do but I never accomplish much of anything. I should feel thankful and grateful for what I have done. I am, trust me, I am. I appreciate everything and appreciate myself for what I've been able to pull myself through.

I feel like as the semester circles the drain that I am with it. Maybe it is my reading material and movie selection as of late. But I feel like whatever hopeful feelings I have left are being blown, piece by piece, out the proverbial window. I grasp for them and try to call them back. But they're already gone.

If I could pin down a day when I started to feel like I was falling to pieces I don't know if I would be able to make it public. I don't remember the catalyst I just remember the people who helped. People who, despite me trying to be amazing and perfect, made me feel like complete scum. Made me feel worthless. Who told me I was a fantastic writer, a beautiful person, but (what I feel to be) purposely left me to feel like I was less-than mediocre.

That is the scariest part of humans and human relationship. When it all boils down we'll only take advantage of situations. We'll apologize, insincerely, for only being human. I try so hard everyday to not be human. To be atypical in love, in living, in speaking. Throwing pieces of myself out to the world. To just give. Knowing that nothing will ever be given to me.