An itch I can never stop scratching and a hole I'll never quite fill

Sometimes I feel like I'm being held back or being held down. Maybe by myself or maybe by someone else. I just feel like I'll never get "there." There being the name for my goals and dreams. They're really simple too. I want a family, kids, an okay job, and to write (possibly be published a few times). But sometimes I get in these moods that make me end up feeling worthless and useless and unwanted. And it takes all of my willpower not to runaway.

Because for all the times I've been made to feel good about myself. For all the times someone has loved me or loved my writing. There is at least 5 more liars who've gotten to me first. I've been let down and lied to for a long time. All I want to do is know what my life will be. So that it doesn't all seem pointless. This trying and working. I want snippets of a happy ending so that I just don't get sick of this movie-life half way through when things look tough. Turn it off.