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Wednesday, December 25, 2024

Merry thoughts about loss


Seems like only yesterday I was spilling out my own blood 

so I could be taken instead - trading places with the dead. 

There is only the march of time that is a guarantee in this life 

and we keep walking toward our own demise. 

Mortality a truth bitter on my tongue 

so much still to do but the time is not enough. 

And though I do all I can to fill the empty space in my ribcage

 I feel the other shoe is always waiting to drop - 

forever terrified of loss.

 Where is the joy I used to feel?

 Death has been knocking at my door for decades

 and I have never answered but he keeps letting himself in. 

I can’t protect my heart when

 I give a piece of myself to everyone I meet 

and they take it with them when they leave. 

I am a cracked shell of myself all exposed nerves and frayed wires

 rotting alive in real time. 

Cursed to watch the world crumble around us all 

and the end is coming nearer with every rotation. 

No snow on the ground again this time of year 

Another year with record temperature highs 

The last time I saw snow on Christmas

Was the morning I found out he died.


My ghost will still be around watching the stars 

as they all burn out and the universe collapse within itself. 

Everything disappears,

 even the memories that you try so hard to keep. 




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