Facebook and Grad School Dramas

"It's hard to start a revolution. Even harder to continue it. And hardest of all to win it. But, it's only afterwards, when we have won, that the true difficulties begin." - The Battle of Algiers

The problem with heading into my Masters or PhD program dreams right now is that I am committing to specialize myself. Which is scary. I never gave it much thought. I just know what I am interested in. But the lack of ability to specialize yourself completely at YSU in your undergrad (and subsequently graduate program) in history has made my course selection seem kind of jumpy.

I know what I like, as in the period of time and place. America 1800 to present. But I don't know if I am proficient with it enough to start a dialogue about it with a professor I don't know in a totally different state or country. Which is what I need to do for grad school, I need to have a faculty member of the school be interested in my interests enough to like me. So that my application will be accepted and all will be right in the world. Or something.

The other problem is the scary specialization idea. I don't know if I want to specialize. There are so many things I enjoy outside of America 1800 - whenever. But I wouldn't say I am as passionate. Like my passion is immense for 20th Century studies of cities, crime, and culture and on the other hand I often find myself in other classes becoming absorbed in independent research about something halfway across the globe in the 17th century.

Then there is that definite push I am giving myself. Just to get out. Which is probably why I can't keep focused about what I even want to do about grad school and if I even want to do it. Because I just want to leave. I hate the feeling of knowing a place so well that you can walk it with your eyes closed. I can do that here. I know how to navigate every building without even having to think. Even Moser Hall, (It is true! And terrifying! Moser Hall has random computer labs that pop up in the middle of hallways for no reason.) Anyway, I really don't like it. I like newness and discovery. The idea of throwing myself out somewhere random and seeing if I can make it or not. Testing my ability to not fail. I like the idea of grad school but the applying/getting accepted obstacle is by far the scariest part for me.

Anyway, I'll close this random narrative about my feelings on grad school with a random narrative on my feelings about people on facebook.

One annoying facebook girl, that I make myself follow for the dual purpose of hilarity and because she is best friends with my sister, decided last night to bitch about her state tax refund. This girl is republican (I suppose), likes her pick up trucks, guns, speaking her american language, shooting deer, and to just be angry and just say fuck a lot.

Anyway, she wrote her beautiful status that hated on African Americans, Obama, people below the poverty line and on welfare, and people who were prettier than herself (in her own opinion). He basic beef was that only African Americans, pretty girls, and poor people can get jobs and this is Obama's fault. And because she made less than 10,000 dollars this year her state taxes sucked and this was Obama's fault. And if she could just be black, pretty, and poor then she could have a job. P.S. She can't drive anywhere because gas is so high and that is also Obama's fault.

I couldn't keep quiet on this one. Okay. No. I couldn't do it.

I had to say something. ONLY because the "state taxes" oh and the fact that: "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? You're not trying to get a job, you've been unemployed for a year now! I can't even COMPREHEND how someone 'trying' to get a job has been unemployed for a year."

She deleted it and I don't remember my exact wording. But I do remember I got about 23 likes before it disappeared but it was something like, "Hey, I'm sorry your tax refund sucked this year. But blaming a president for your state tax refund isn't going to solve your problem. Because they're STATE taxes not FEDERAL taxes. Also I feel like, the reason you can't find a job has nothing to do with your race, your looks, or your income (because if you have to be poor to get a job...you made under 10,000 this year...you should have one then) and everything to do with the job market where you live, what you're applying for, and how you're presenting yourself in interviews. Also, a bit of enlightenment here: No president has control over gas prices or ever will."

Anyway, I told her that. She then fired back with a very angry screaming at me in all caps and calling the president worthless over and over again.

I said, "Okay. I am sorry you feel like all of your problems that you can fix stem from America having a black president. But rather than passing the buck and screaming at people on facebook about things you can control why don't you go be proactive and look for a job? I feel like, when things happen that I can't control I like to do things to fix my problems rather than complain about them."

She deleted all my posts. And then wrote on another status about not being allowed to have opinions.

Here is my problem with this and why it is sticking in my head:

How is it...that I come back from England. And in a matter of a few weeks I have a job and apartment lined up. And I am back in school. How? I don't EVEN DRIVE. To the previously mentioned girl and my family who lives in the same area with her my lack of driving is a flaw that "will forever hold me back" and make me "less of a person." Seriously? Are you kidding?

I don't let anything hold me back from the things that I need or want to accomplish.

I am doing just fine without a car. Provided I am centered and have a jumping off point I can pretty much get anywhere and do anything. This girl still lives with her parents, probably relies on the financially, and she has a kid. What? Are you joking. Your life is so easy that I wish it was my life when I write my 600 dollar rent checks.

Listen if you can't find a job that is your fault. The job market sucks, yes. It is hard for people with degrees to get jobs in their fields even. But there are jobs somewhere for you. Sometimes you have to lower your standards and take what you can get until you can get what you want. I applied absolutely everywhere within a suitable walking distance of my apartment. Even places on the bus route. And because I got a call back so quickly from the Wee Care job I didn't bother doing follow ups with any of the other places.

I realize this is coming off as a "if the socially anxious/insane college girl can do it, so can you" speech. And that is because it is that speech. I don't even want to hear people insult me for not driving or being socially phobic anymore. That shit is absolutely ridiculous and there is no excuse for a "well-adjusted,*" mother who is being supported by other people to not be proactive enough in finding a job. Anywhere. Freaking McDonald's even. I don't know. What the fuck?

*Someone who drives and who is mentally more "normal" than myself.