Dreaming

Can't sleep, keep thinking Florence & the Machine will help. It doesn't.
Just makes me want to go on walks.

Awesome, okay, whatever...I am going to go to sleep for like 4 hours...and then...wake up and walk until like 7 or something. I am getting that claw out of my apartment feeling. Probably because my weekend is almost over and I am 2 parts not thrilled, 1 part nervous about the week, and 1 part longing for my next free 24 hour period of time.

So I just want to walk around and have more moments that are just my own or something. Not that sleeping isn't "my own," but I'm not conscious to enjoy it. And my subconscious likes to find clever ways to torture me so that I can't help but not enjoy it. Or make me happy in my dreams so that I wake up wanting not to be awake ever again.

I like when I dream that I have my life together. I always dream that I am not afraid of driving, have graduated, am doing something substantial in the background. But those dreams my big plot is always something really mundane or peaceful like "finding the best spot in Millcreek park to take a nap," or "exploring some museum or art gallery [that I made up in my head]." Then I wake up and I am so pissed the fuck off.

But I always dream that I am me in an alternate universe. Where I still am not awesome. But it is just easier. Because everything is weird. And I am an adventurer, everything is supernatural, and I just can do whatever my weird mind wants me to do. And I am happy usually. Last night I dreamed I was in this world and because I just got my CPR certification stuff last week I dreamed I had to use it to save someone. Then I was just like..."Dude...why am I doing this. I don't have to, this is my dream. This person isn't dead." And then I poked them in my dream and they were suddenly alive.

Then I fought some demons with magical powers and things. But that is usually what happens in those dreams anyway. Because I watch too much Supernatural. So I wake up from those pissed too.

The only dreams I don't wake up pissed from, I wake up endlessly sad from. And those are the rest of them. Where someone I really care about is dead, or hates me and never wants to see me again, or I ruin a friendship by doing something really dumb and improbable.