Apparently everyone I hung out with and I were extra hilarious tonight. I remember everything verbatim, you may enjoy.

Marie: (comments on Lemon Grove's photo of our friend brandon martin, referencing a time someone brought a tazer to the lemon grove during one of his shows) Don't bring tazers to bars.
Megan: (looks at it) No, bring tazers to bars, because it is like a fucking light show in your pocket.

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(A large influx of bros and sluts happens in front of our table)
Marie: Oh my god do the bros and sluts know that when they all wear button down flannel and jeans that they are wearing the same uniform as the other.
Megan: It is the courting ritual of the elusive douchebag. So they can better find each other in the wilds of hipster bars.
Marie: (Laughing so hard that she is not making noise)
Megan: I'm sorry.
Marie: You don't have to apologize for being hilarious.

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(Bro keeps randomly dancing bouncing with his mouth open while no one around him is dancing and no music is playing.)
Marie: I should go up there and bounce with him when he does it and see what happens.
Megan: You should. Do it.
Marie: No.
Megan: (Looks at Marie's boyfriend) Jimmy, will you do it?
Jimmy: Yeah, okay.
Marie: No he'll punch you.
Megan: No he won't.
Jimmy: He'll probably bro fist me. And I will just say, "What's up, bro?"
Megan: If he goes to bro fist you, you should stick your elbow out instead and tell him to touch your elbow to his. And be like, "At my frat, we brobow."
Marie: (Falls over laughing) You are extra hilarious tonight.

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Megan: How much would it take to get you [Jimmy] and Bryan to wear a skin tight skimpy dress out at the lemon grove. If you got to wear wigs and sunglasses and pretend you were transvestites?
Jimmy: Too much.
Megan: I am willing to go that high for this photo op.
Jimmy: I would never wear a dress. I don't like to wear dresses.
Megan: You've never worn a dress. You have no idea what it is like.
Jimmy: I know I would not like it.
Megan: Your dick will feel so free. I mean, I wear dresses sometimes and I don't have a dick obviously but my vagina feels free.
Marie: WHAT!?!
Megan: Yeah like when you put on a dress and you are like walking around your vagina feels like it can do ANYTHING.
Marie: (Obnoxious laughing)
Megan: Last time I wore a dress I could hear my vagina singing [in opera singing voice] "Freeeeeedooooom"
Marie: (Dying)
Megan: Like the fucking underground railroad, but in your pants.
Marie: What does that even mean.
Megan: The underground railroad didn't even happen. It is a myth. The cake is a lie.
Marie: Oh my god.
Megan: History references at bars.

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(Discussing creative ways to get money from random people on the street)
Megan: I think it would be great if someone went up to people on the street and said, "Hey I will write a song about you for a dollar." And then the person gave them a dollar and then the asker asked their name. Then with that name, they sang the "Banana-fana-fo-fana song,"
Marie & Jimmy (Laughing)
Megan: And then ran away.
Marie: (laughing for a while) What?! The more I think about it, the weirder it gets.
Megan: This is me you're talking to.

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Megan: I saw you [to Jimmy] at Subway but I didn't say hi because the whores you were sitting with were making fun of my friend and I before you came in.
Jimmy: WHAT? Are you serious.
Megan: Yeah they were sitting there in their over priced "PINK" track suits with words on their asses and pointing at me and my friend and whispering to each other the making angry looks.
Marie: [to Jimmy] I told you that girls in your program were mean.
Megan: They could have been mean or it could have just been because we were talking about sex and sexy panties very loudly.
Jimmy: Maybe sex makes them angry?
Megan: Then, I feel REALLY sad for them.

---
Jimmy: (Throws salt from the salt shaker all over the table.)
Megan: Dude, stop, salt will scare away all the ghosts.
Marie: Yeah stop you're going to make Megan go away!

---
Marie: What will make the bros go away?
Jimmy: When all the sluts go away.
Marie: Megan what scares sluts away?
Megan: If you and I go over and start making out across that empty table the bros will crowd around us and then the sluts will leave.
Marie: But then they'll just cling by us.
Megan: No, after we are done they will follow us back to the table. They will find out you have a boyfriend and then they will find out that I am completely out of my fucking mind. Because I will talk about ghosts and make cat noises at them. They will be like, "Dude bro, the hot redhead has a boyfriend and the short one is a psycho. Dude. Bro." Then they will go to club nine and grind up against each other's butts.

---
Megan: One time I went to inner circle with Bryan and there was like a big frat birthday party going on. But Bryan wanted to stay so he could watch the sluts. Well, the shots song started playing and all the bros started humping each other on the dance floor. Which doesn't really bother me except these are the same culture of guys that are afraid of the gay bar because they think gay men will hit on them.
Marie: (laughing)
Megan: So in my head I am just like no, you are dry humping your "brother." 1.) That is gay by definition, 2.) That is also disgustingly almost incestuousness, 3.) You already are a Greek Society and everyone knows that the Greeks did very gay things to each other.
(Everyone is looking at me.)
Megan: I had to throw a historical fact in there...okay?

---
Marie: I could get beers/money just by going up and talking in a really high voice and twisting my hair and asking for it.
Megan: That doesn't work for every girl, just you because you're a redheaded amazon.
Marie: It would also work for you but you just don't use a high voice. You go up to people and you're like, [changes voice a little lower] "I'm Megan, I meow and talk in a really low register about ghosts."

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Megan: [Walks inside from walking downtown] I feel like the rain made my eye make up melt off.
Marie: I can't tell because it is too dark over by you.
Megan: Oh thanks.
Marie: It is just dark over there.
Megan: No, really you mean, "Megan no one can tell you are flawed because of the extreme darkness that follows you around." Really? I know what you meant. GOD!
Marie: (laughing) That is pretty much exactly what I wished I had said now because it is very accurate.

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Marie: My brother and I were coloring eggs on Sunday. He drew a sad face on the egg and I thought of you.
Megan: I love you.

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Marie: I wonder why the sluts are wearing jeans and button downs and not skin tight shirts with no pants.
Megan: We're at a hipster bar, they're wearing clothes because it is ironic.