I want to make a playlist for how I feel right now

But there isn't any songs I can think of that genuinely just express anomie.

I'm just questioning a lot of things. Especially my own thoughts. I'm having trouble gauging my emotions.

I'm sitting here, over thinking things. Because I'm afraid that I'll "under think" them.

So here is a list of questions that a generally going through my mind,

I thought I knew what I wanted...but is it what I really want?
I think I know what I need, but can someone really need anything?
...Okay yeah.

As I see it I'm missing at least one key part out of each layer of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.


Bottom -> Up

1.) There is definitely no sleep or sex and most of the time I feel like I'm barely breathing.

2.) I feel like I'm an unstable mess at the moment. Some unlocked emotional gate with a big sign that says "Come on in and fuck up my shit." So I'm sitting here wanting to slam shut whenever I feel like someone wants to do just that. These things are definitely easy to fix but it is going to take going home to rebuild what fell apart there.

3.) I think because I'm so far away from most of my friends and my family I just feel really off center. I'm not really one that gets home sick. But I seriously feel disconnected.

4.) Because I don't have the other three I'm questioning whether or not I actually have all of those things.

5.) I feel like I've honestly achieved these things. Or can exercise them appropriately. But I feel like there is no support for them, obviously.

So my need hierarchy looks a little like this:

Yup. 

Maybe I'm meant to work from top to bottom. Isn't that the life of a starving artist? 

Though I wish it was more simple and looked like this:

Megan's Cup o' Needs.

Bottom -> Up

1.) Blue: Food, cuddles, kisses, breathing, art, books.

2.) Purple: Colors, music, love.

3.) Red: Trust, home, acceptance.

4.) Green: Kittens, puppies, rainbows, sunshine, dancing.

5.) Pink: Photography, long walks, buffalo chicken sandwiches.

6.) Gray: Coffee

I can get or give all these things to myself, but if you take time out of your day to give me any or all of these things. You fill up my cup, and I love you endlessly for it.