Missing Pieces

Sorry I haven't posted in a long while. It has been a pretty intense few months.

I keep going from super happy to super upset. I miss home a lot. Not just home, I miss America. Not for any patriotic reason, no. I just miss the way Youngstown/Andover smells in the autumn and winter. The way the snow glitters under the sun. How my Grandmother would cook lamb for holidays because I liked it even though no one else did.

I miss going on long walks around my Dad's apartment complex at night. Some nights going out at 8pm and walking back in when my dad is getting up for work. Him looking at me confused. I miss how he and I would go out and drink coffee in the middle of the day. Or go on random late night snack runs. I miss how we would make jokes. Or talk without having to talk.

I miss my mom a lot. I miss the way she looks when she gets worried that she's not impressing you. The way she smiles when she's really, truly happy. Which to be honest is pretty rare. I miss my brother and his cynical attitude. My sister and her jokes.

I miss my friends.

I miss how much like home Youngstown used to feel to me. Then stopped feeling after a while. Like there was a piece missing. I thought I would find it here. But it isn't. I'm not like most girls, I don't look to fill up the holes in my heart with men or shoes. I try so hard to fill up this big empty space in my heart with a place to feel at home.



I would go to pieces if you said this was just an act to come and take the sleep out of my life...