empty, listless, waiting...

I feel like, in my head at least, I'm battling to keep my life the way it is.
I don't know, I guess... I keep feeling like I'm going to lose Dan. That I already lost him, that he's already gone. I know it sounds absolutely ridiculous, but I can't help the way I'm feeling.

Every time I want to talk to him about it I get scared because I don't want him to think I'm crazy. I just feel so alone, like truly alone inside.

I don't want to be the crazy girlfriend, or the weirdo, there is nothing wrong with me.

I feel like it is normal to feel alone when you have no friends. I mean to be honest, Dan is my only friend here. And I need constant socialization that is just the kind of person that I am. I knew I would not be really happy here when I first moved. I just didn't think it would take this long for me to meet people. I thought, that I'd have a bit more freedom, but I also wanted to bring money - but I didn't have any by the time I left.

I just, I want to go do things, I want to go on long walks, I want to get coffee by myself. I want to walk over to a library, a bookstore, an occult store. I want to talk to someone about something and meet someone on the street. I want to experience things, alone. I want to come back home and tell Dan a story about how I met this really awesome person at this bookstore and how she reminded me of Nicole/Lindsey (or he of Dave) and how I actually feel like I could fit in.

I don't want to be here for years and never have any real friends. :/