Existential Crisis

My life feels over. I feel as if I have been almost dead for years. I've always been kind of living, just spinning the wheels, just doing things. Always never feeling or doing more than was required of me. Doing only what was expected. I applied for school, I changed my major whenever my parents/ex-fiance/best friend/job would suggest it. I never did anything I wanted too.

History was the only thing I picked for myself. It was the only thing I enjoyed. But now I no longer enjoy it.

I feel so far below these things - these degrees - they seem unnecessary. If I were to die tomorrow and could feel regret I would regret going to school. I would regret doing something just because it was expected of me. I would regret that. I would regret not telling people how much I have loved them/do love them/and really need/needed them because I haven't loved many. I will regret not walking on all the famous streets of the world, not touching the oldest building with my hand, not learning by 'doing.'

I'll never learn what I want by sitting in a classroom.

If I died tomorrow I would regret never actually doing anything. About being easily forgotten by people in my past. If I died tomorrow, well all I did today was sit here and work for something that I never got to experience.

Life is too short not to love everyone, not to experience everything, and to sit around doing tedious things that you don't love.