| Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results
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personality tests by similarminds.com
Monday, January 31, 2011
More from SimilarMinds
personality tests by similarminds.com
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Nicole's 24th Aftermath
Nicole's 24th birthday party was pretty fun tonight (er, yesterday evening). I met a cool new friend and got to hang out with my best friend ever. :D
It is now 3:00 am and now I am totally ready for bed. James and Nicole are asleep. Nicholas went off to bed and now I'm waiting for Naomi, Brian, and Geoff to head off to bed. We've discovered that Naomi says some pretty hilarious random things. Fun times.
So anyways, I'm really tired. I need to stay up a bit longer so I can start cleaning up. I just want to cuddle up and go to sleep. Also I miss Mr. Dan Grundy so much.
Naomi: He said, "You want to come meet me in the dairy cooler?" and I was like, "As much as I want someone to taze me in the tits."
Friday, January 28, 2011
Lieberman and the Off Switch
Original Source: http://www.boingboing.net/2011/01/28/egypt-just-turned-of.html
So I found a couple of my facebook friends referring to this lovely little story. Once I finished reading it and some of the comments, I just sort of tilted my head in amazement. So Egypt shut off the internet. Awesome, that's perfectly fine for them. A country that has the same land mass of one U.S. state. The U.S is the third largest country in the world population-wise. Compared with Egypt whose rank is the 15th. They're a not 'small country' by any means but the U.S. whose population density is less by far is spread throughout 3,539,224 sq miles.
When internet came along in the U.S. it reinvented socialization in such a way that families were able to spread farther apart and still keep a well formed unit. The same can be said for businesses. Huge mega corporations and even small business rely on the internet for connection to suppliers and customers. Internet based companies like amazon and ebay would flounder almost immediately if a "total internet shut down" were to occur.
Now, considering the "cyber threat" that would have to occur to require such an action. The worst thing that could happen to the internet would be some sort of global virus which would phish information. But ultimately, to do so it would probably have to shut off internet connections any how. That's if something of the sort would even be possible at such a massive scale. It seems like the work of science fiction, but I wouldn't put it past someone who is hell bent on cyber terrorism.
I'm quite sure that this Bill that Lieberman is proposing won't have a chance in hell in legislation. One: because the Senate and House of Reps are now controlled by republicans. Whom, are going to be very 'pro-business' and 'small government,' when viewing this bill. Two: because I doubt there will be anyway that Americans would approve of the government being able to shut down the internet 'indefinitely.' It has become a staple of everyday life in every aspect of our livelihood.
Sure it is a nice thought, like one commenter pointed out (sarcastically), to go back to the days of letters and libraries but I really don't think the bill has a chance in hell of passing.
I'm still not sure what a "cyber-threat" would be composed of exactly or what would constitute one. I can think of numerous youtube videos whose makers could be "threatening" to overthrow the government with their complaining. Zeitgeist and Wikileaks any one?
I just don't think that this plan was thought through well enough.
So I found a couple of my facebook friends referring to this lovely little story. Once I finished reading it and some of the comments, I just sort of tilted my head in amazement. So Egypt shut off the internet. Awesome, that's perfectly fine for them. A country that has the same land mass of one U.S. state. The U.S is the third largest country in the world population-wise. Compared with Egypt whose rank is the 15th. They're a not 'small country' by any means but the U.S. whose population density is less by far is spread throughout 3,539,224 sq miles.
When internet came along in the U.S. it reinvented socialization in such a way that families were able to spread farther apart and still keep a well formed unit. The same can be said for businesses. Huge mega corporations and even small business rely on the internet for connection to suppliers and customers. Internet based companies like amazon and ebay would flounder almost immediately if a "total internet shut down" were to occur.
Now, considering the "cyber threat" that would have to occur to require such an action. The worst thing that could happen to the internet would be some sort of global virus which would phish information. But ultimately, to do so it would probably have to shut off internet connections any how. That's if something of the sort would even be possible at such a massive scale. It seems like the work of science fiction, but I wouldn't put it past someone who is hell bent on cyber terrorism.
I'm quite sure that this Bill that Lieberman is proposing won't have a chance in hell in legislation. One: because the Senate and House of Reps are now controlled by republicans. Whom, are going to be very 'pro-business' and 'small government,' when viewing this bill. Two: because I doubt there will be anyway that Americans would approve of the government being able to shut down the internet 'indefinitely.' It has become a staple of everyday life in every aspect of our livelihood.
Sure it is a nice thought, like one commenter pointed out (sarcastically), to go back to the days of letters and libraries but I really don't think the bill has a chance in hell of passing.
I'm still not sure what a "cyber-threat" would be composed of exactly or what would constitute one. I can think of numerous youtube videos whose makers could be "threatening" to overthrow the government with their complaining. Zeitgeist and Wikileaks any one?
I just don't think that this plan was thought through well enough.
I'm bored, I do these things...
| ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population. |
As an ENFP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system.
ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. They can talk their way in or out of anything. They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most out of it.
ENFPs have an unusually broad range of skills and talents. They are good at most things which interest them. Project-oriented, they may go through several different careers during their lifetime. To onlookers, the ENFP may seem directionless and without purpose, but ENFPs are actually quite consistent, in that they have a strong sense of values which they live with throughout their lives. Everything that they do must be in line with their values. An ENFP needs to feel that they are living their lives as their true Self, walking in step with what they believe is right. They see meaning in everything, and are on a continuous quest to adapt their lives and values to achieve inner peace. They're constantly aware and somewhat fearful of losing touch with themselves. Since emotional excitement is usually an important part of the ENFP's life, and because they are focused on keeping "centered", the ENFP is usually an intense individual, with highly evolved values.
An ENFP needs to focus on following through with their projects. This can be a problem area for some of these individuals. Unlike other Extraverted types, ENFPs need time alone to center themselves, and make sure they are moving in a direction which is in sync with their values. ENFPs who remain centered will usually be quite successful at their endeavors. Others may fall into the habit of dropping a project when they become excited about a new possibility, and thus they never achieve the great accomplishments which they are capable of achieving.
More Here: Personality Page
| Enneagram Test Results
Your variant is social |
I promise I'll post something clever and of substance...later. I have a shit load to do and now I have to go to work.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
These are results from: The Color Quiz.
Pretty accurate, except in some parts.
Your Existing Situation
Feeling stressed out due to her current situation and the demands which are placed on her. Working to release herself from all things that hold her back or tie her down.
Your Stress Sources
"Looking to stand out in the crowd and wanting to keep her rank and status. her current situation is irritating her because she can't seem to find anybody out there who values the same high standards she does. she is feeling isolated and wants to give in to her carnal urges, but can't bring herself to appear weak in the eyes of others. Wants others to see her unique qualities and character but can't stand to come off as needy, so instead she has an ""I don't care"" attitude and pushing people away. she turns her back on those who criticizes her behavior, but beneath her indifference is a person who is in desperate need of approval."
Your Restrained Characteristics
Giving more than she is getting back and feels misunderstood and unappreciated. Feels she is being forced into compromising and even her close relationships leave her feeling emotional distant.
Is bothered when her needs and desires are misunderstood and she feels there is no one to turn to or rely on. her self-centered attitude can cause her to be easily offended.
Applies tough standards to her potential partner and demands an unrealistic perfection in her sex life.
Your Desired Objective
"Feels she is in a hopeless situation, which causes her to feel depressed. she resists things which she finds difficult or not to her liking and shields herself from the things which irritate her. "
Your Actual Problem
"Is disappointed and let down, feels there is no point in making new goals as they will leave her feeling the same way. Is unable to admit to her short comings, which leads her to act out in an aggressive and resentful way."
Your Actual Problem #2
"Impressed by unique and one of a kind things, and by people with exceptional personalities. Tries to takes the characteristics she likes in other people and apply it to herself as well as coming across as a unique individual"
Pretty accurate, except in some parts.
Your Existing Situation
Feeling stressed out due to her current situation and the demands which are placed on her. Working to release herself from all things that hold her back or tie her down.
Your Stress Sources
"Looking to stand out in the crowd and wanting to keep her rank and status. her current situation is irritating her because she can't seem to find anybody out there who values the same high standards she does. she is feeling isolated and wants to give in to her carnal urges, but can't bring herself to appear weak in the eyes of others. Wants others to see her unique qualities and character but can't stand to come off as needy, so instead she has an ""I don't care"" attitude and pushing people away. she turns her back on those who criticizes her behavior, but beneath her indifference is a person who is in desperate need of approval."
Your Restrained Characteristics
Giving more than she is getting back and feels misunderstood and unappreciated. Feels she is being forced into compromising and even her close relationships leave her feeling emotional distant.
Is bothered when her needs and desires are misunderstood and she feels there is no one to turn to or rely on. her self-centered attitude can cause her to be easily offended.
Applies tough standards to her potential partner and demands an unrealistic perfection in her sex life.
Your Desired Objective
"Feels she is in a hopeless situation, which causes her to feel depressed. she resists things which she finds difficult or not to her liking and shields herself from the things which irritate her. "
Your Actual Problem
"Is disappointed and let down, feels there is no point in making new goals as they will leave her feeling the same way. Is unable to admit to her short comings, which leads her to act out in an aggressive and resentful way."
Your Actual Problem #2
"Impressed by unique and one of a kind things, and by people with exceptional personalities. Tries to takes the characteristics she likes in other people and apply it to herself as well as coming across as a unique individual"
Things I Love Thursday - January 27, 2011
1.) All these new books I've got and that are coming in. I can not wait to read them from cover to cover. Already snooped into Jon McGregor's Even the Dogs and I'm really excited for it. I love his prose.
2.) For lunch today I'll be heading to Olive Garden with Marie and Bryan for soup, breadsticks, and salad. All the things that are the best about Olive Garden.
3.) I just bought an awesome new hair straightener. It looks pretty hardcore actually. It better be it was nearly 50 dollars and I had to ask someone to get it off the security rack for me.
4.) I also ended up purchasing some nice makeup since I was in dire need of some new stuff.
5.) I've got tons to do, but with any luck I'll get it done.
6.) After this week, May will only be 90 days away.
2.) For lunch today I'll be heading to Olive Garden with Marie and Bryan for soup, breadsticks, and salad. All the things that are the best about Olive Garden.
3.) I just bought an awesome new hair straightener. It looks pretty hardcore actually. It better be it was nearly 50 dollars and I had to ask someone to get it off the security rack for me.
4.) I also ended up purchasing some nice makeup since I was in dire need of some new stuff.
5.) I've got tons to do, but with any luck I'll get it done.
6.) After this week, May will only be 90 days away.
P.S.
Someone needs a hair cut.
Someone needs a hair cut.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I'm a girl, so I cry, because I'm all emo all the time.
Today I feel really depressed for whatever reason. Well, for many perceived reasons.
I'm sick: For the last few weeks since coming home from England. The smell/sight/idea/preparation of food has made me nauseous. I don't want to eat food. Except I still get super hungry and then when I do eat I get sick. In fact the only thing I've been able to keep down the last few weeks have been vegetables and such. I was going to say vegetarian things but then I remembered that the first thing I got sick off of was cereal that I was eating on 1/10.
I super hardcore miss my boyfriend: Well, it goes without saying really that I miss him. I mean, it is really hard to go from seeing someone everyday for a month to not seeing them at all. It is also really hard to see them on a webcam when whenever you're talking you want to wrap your arms around them or something to feel closer to them. It is for the reason that I can't physically touch him that I think I miss him the most. Talking to him now is like interacting with an interactive memory. I appreciate being able to talk to him, I just want to be able to touch him, I guess? Is that weird? Probably. I'm pretty weird.
I dislike at the moment school to the 100th degree: I seriously cannot stand doing class things anymore. It is probably doubled in effect because I'm watching people around me advance and move with their life with or without a college education. Like I told my dad earlier: I'd love to work 9-5 and get a huge paycheck just have time to do other things. I mean, I may be made for academia and college. I might be really good at it but in my heart, academia is really the last thing I am holding on to. It seems like it is just getting in the way of what I really want to do. I may take this back when I'm working 9-5 at some job and am old and sick of it all. But right now I think I just want the new experience of taking care of myself completely. Rather than using school and a school job as a buoy to keep me afloat at 24.
It is very cold: No, seriously, it is. I hate the cold. For real. :/ I just want to lay under my huge puffy purple comforter for the rest of the day.
I'm sick: For the last few weeks since coming home from England. The smell/sight/idea/preparation of food has made me nauseous. I don't want to eat food. Except I still get super hungry and then when I do eat I get sick. In fact the only thing I've been able to keep down the last few weeks have been vegetables and such. I was going to say vegetarian things but then I remembered that the first thing I got sick off of was cereal that I was eating on 1/10.
I super hardcore miss my boyfriend: Well, it goes without saying really that I miss him. I mean, it is really hard to go from seeing someone everyday for a month to not seeing them at all. It is also really hard to see them on a webcam when whenever you're talking you want to wrap your arms around them or something to feel closer to them. It is for the reason that I can't physically touch him that I think I miss him the most. Talking to him now is like interacting with an interactive memory. I appreciate being able to talk to him, I just want to be able to touch him, I guess? Is that weird? Probably. I'm pretty weird.
I dislike at the moment school to the 100th degree: I seriously cannot stand doing class things anymore. It is probably doubled in effect because I'm watching people around me advance and move with their life with or without a college education. Like I told my dad earlier: I'd love to work 9-5 and get a huge paycheck just have time to do other things. I mean, I may be made for academia and college. I might be really good at it but in my heart, academia is really the last thing I am holding on to. It seems like it is just getting in the way of what I really want to do. I may take this back when I'm working 9-5 at some job and am old and sick of it all. But right now I think I just want the new experience of taking care of myself completely. Rather than using school and a school job as a buoy to keep me afloat at 24.
It is very cold: No, seriously, it is. I hate the cold. For real. :/ I just want to lay under my huge puffy purple comforter for the rest of the day.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Things
I wrote this in September, I believe, it was kind of an experiment to see if I could write a poem that was basically just a list, successfully. And, it turned out to be pretty good. It got some good responses at the poetry reading I premiered it at. Anyways, it is a list of things I am, things I've been called, gossip about me/rumors/judgment calls based on little knowledge. Basically a combination of things you could put in a blender and create a little mixture of me.
writer, photographer,
capturing images like I try to capture hearts.
waif like. too thin, too fat,
too ugly, well dressed,
bum;
good resume, not good enough.
over qualified, too much,
good in bed,
good head,
head in books - head in clouds
short girl, small boobs, big ass,
night walker, easy mark, quick fix, band aid,
used up,
brown eyed, green eyed,
black eyed.
beaten,
choked, fucked, loved -
kissed. read-closed-left.
looked over, bought, traded.
touched, then touched.
something new,
old news,
bad kid,
rebel, thief,
saint, savior, protector, punching bag;
girl that if you only knew,
if you really knew,
you'd never know.
mystic, psychic, witch, satanist?
made out with, bought beer for,
a freebie:
"oh, she's easy."
second best, second love, never loved,
never liked, hated:
awkward, cheated on, cheater, lied too, liar.
get what you read, not what you see.
writes what she knows, not what she wants to be.
not a photograph; just a girl in a bar,
a story, a light, a dark shadow, invisible,
a star.
writer, photographer,
capturing images like I try to capture hearts.
waif like. too thin, too fat,
too ugly, well dressed,
bum;
good resume, not good enough.
over qualified, too much,
good in bed,
good head,
head in books - head in clouds
short girl, small boobs, big ass,
night walker, easy mark, quick fix, band aid,
used up,
brown eyed, green eyed,
black eyed.
beaten,
choked, fucked, loved -
kissed. read-closed-left.
looked over, bought, traded.
touched, then touched.
something new,
old news,
bad kid,
rebel, thief,
saint, savior, protector, punching bag;
girl that if you only knew,
if you really knew,
you'd never know.
mystic, psychic, witch, satanist?
made out with, bought beer for,
a freebie:
"oh, she's easy."
second best, second love, never loved,
never liked, hated:
awkward, cheated on, cheater, lied too, liar.
get what you read, not what you see.
writes what she knows, not what she wants to be.
not a photograph; just a girl in a bar,
a story, a light, a dark shadow, invisible,
a star.
Much Needed Book List Updating
Spent a few minutes updating my Librarything.com and Goodreads.com accounts today.
They not synced at all. I think GR has about 45 more books listed than LT. There is probably some differences there too. Oh well, one day they will be synced up and perfect. And I'll write amazing reviews on...one of them (and paste them into the other one). Who knows? Maybe one day I'll be an 'author.'
Meganharris on Goodreads
Meganharris on Librarything
They not synced at all. I think GR has about 45 more books listed than LT. There is probably some differences there too. Oh well, one day they will be synced up and perfect. And I'll write amazing reviews on...one of them (and paste them into the other one). Who knows? Maybe one day I'll be an 'author.'
Meganharris on Goodreads
Meganharris on Librarything
Monday, January 24, 2011
My Slumbering Heart
I'm sitting in my very large leather chair in my missed-match and messy room listening to Voxtrot's Warmest Part of Winter. I'm staring at a syllabus, chapstick, and a phone.
I just wrote a long and super complainy paragraph but decided to delete it and replace it with this much more tame sentence.
This was one of Yesterday's Quotes on the Quotation's Page. Point of my quote placement is that my complainy paragraph had a lot to do with this.
If I broke my life down into flashback and dream sequence I think many of my acquaintances and long time friends would be surprised at what they see. Every new friend, every few years, I somehow change in such a way that makes people only see one dimension of the person I am.
I think of all the things I am, the person I see when I look in the mirror does not match the person I see in my own head. I have friends who try to compartmentalize me. Put me in a category. In high school I was numerous things: rebel, punk, loser, mute, poser, girl with 20 earrings, cutter, emo, ugly girl, nerd, geek, weirdo, girl who talked about video games and anime all the time, girl with spikes around her neck, girl with the short and hot friend. In college: mute, girl who swears within her academic speaking, writer, girl who shakes when she talks. Significantly less, yes. Significantly less provocative, yes. Significantly less embarrassing, yes.
But still, all these things, they were compartments in the head of the people who looked at me.
I try so hard to not judge, to think about the whole person. To think about how they have so many aspects. So many beautiful flaws, so many beautiful words to describe them. But along with all my flaws, my words, one is there that I am not proud of: a certain callousness. Call it want you want: bitter, envy, disillusioned. Sometimes I feel like no one can give themselves the benefit of the doubt that we each are whole people, we are each a member of people as a group, as a whole. Who are we to box each other?
You cannot box me up and put a ribbon on me. No matter how much paper you wrap around me I will never be a pretty present. I tried very hard before high school to be one thing. To be the pretty girl, to be the nice girl, to be the girl that does well. I never actually became that box person.
I read my entire classic's section in my public library in a year and a half. I wrote upwards of 600 poems at least half I would still consider not complete crap. But I still I failed at everything academically. I went into library bathrooms and let my friend use her other friends-uncle's-cousin's ear piercing gun in my ears. I drew on myself, wrote hopeful quotes under my clothes to help get me through the day, I washed my hands an even 20 times. I had rituals. I had an obsession with symmetry. I was afraid of sex. I was afraid of men. I was afraid of being touched or held. When anyone came an inch too close to my face I would start shaking violently and cry. Needless to say my intimacy issues were their own hurdle I had to climb over.
In college I thought I had my life drawn out. I was 19, I would envision my future and saw only good things. Saw a photography job. Saw a photojournalism career. Saw kids, family. Then in and instant at almost 21 I lost all of that. Suddenly. I also went from weighing 170 to 120 in a 2 week time span. Then my 120 self went back to school...new, fresh, alone. I met people whom became some of the best friends in a little college bar.
After 22 I started to feel new: my life seemed to have changed completely. But it hadn't really. The fragments of the past just built into a picture that is barely recognizable. There is a whole person being built from every change, every event and if you look close enough you'll see it all.
Yes, these things, they are the past. Some hurdles in which I have over come and over powered and some things that I just grew out of. But these things, they are pieces. They are all things that make me the person I am today. I am no different than that high school girl reading 700 page novels and letting her friend pierce her a dirty bathroom. I am no different than the college girl who gained a bunch of weight inexplicably and lost it in 2 weeks after a binge drinking and non-eating, crying and pity fest - only to realize afterward that my life had just begun.
Summaries are for sparknotes. People are lengthy novels made of words, motifs, themes, layers of tattered pages and broken binding. They are beautiful and deserve to be read.
I just wrote a long and super complainy paragraph but decided to delete it and replace it with this much more tame sentence.
"When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion."
C. P. Snow
This was one of Yesterday's Quotes on the Quotation's Page. Point of my quote placement is that my complainy paragraph had a lot to do with this.
If I broke my life down into flashback and dream sequence I think many of my acquaintances and long time friends would be surprised at what they see. Every new friend, every few years, I somehow change in such a way that makes people only see one dimension of the person I am.
I think of all the things I am, the person I see when I look in the mirror does not match the person I see in my own head. I have friends who try to compartmentalize me. Put me in a category. In high school I was numerous things: rebel, punk, loser, mute, poser, girl with 20 earrings, cutter, emo, ugly girl, nerd, geek, weirdo, girl who talked about video games and anime all the time, girl with spikes around her neck, girl with the short and hot friend. In college: mute, girl who swears within her academic speaking, writer, girl who shakes when she talks. Significantly less, yes. Significantly less provocative, yes. Significantly less embarrassing, yes.
But still, all these things, they were compartments in the head of the people who looked at me.
I try so hard to not judge, to think about the whole person. To think about how they have so many aspects. So many beautiful flaws, so many beautiful words to describe them. But along with all my flaws, my words, one is there that I am not proud of: a certain callousness. Call it want you want: bitter, envy, disillusioned. Sometimes I feel like no one can give themselves the benefit of the doubt that we each are whole people, we are each a member of people as a group, as a whole. Who are we to box each other?
You cannot box me up and put a ribbon on me. No matter how much paper you wrap around me I will never be a pretty present. I tried very hard before high school to be one thing. To be the pretty girl, to be the nice girl, to be the girl that does well. I never actually became that box person.
I read my entire classic's section in my public library in a year and a half. I wrote upwards of 600 poems at least half I would still consider not complete crap. But I still I failed at everything academically. I went into library bathrooms and let my friend use her other friends-uncle's-cousin's ear piercing gun in my ears. I drew on myself, wrote hopeful quotes under my clothes to help get me through the day, I washed my hands an even 20 times. I had rituals. I had an obsession with symmetry. I was afraid of sex. I was afraid of men. I was afraid of being touched or held. When anyone came an inch too close to my face I would start shaking violently and cry. Needless to say my intimacy issues were their own hurdle I had to climb over.
In college I thought I had my life drawn out. I was 19, I would envision my future and saw only good things. Saw a photography job. Saw a photojournalism career. Saw kids, family. Then in and instant at almost 21 I lost all of that. Suddenly. I also went from weighing 170 to 120 in a 2 week time span. Then my 120 self went back to school...new, fresh, alone. I met people whom became some of the best friends in a little college bar.
After 22 I started to feel new: my life seemed to have changed completely. But it hadn't really. The fragments of the past just built into a picture that is barely recognizable. There is a whole person being built from every change, every event and if you look close enough you'll see it all.
Yes, these things, they are the past. Some hurdles in which I have over come and over powered and some things that I just grew out of. But these things, they are pieces. They are all things that make me the person I am today. I am no different than that high school girl reading 700 page novels and letting her friend pierce her a dirty bathroom. I am no different than the college girl who gained a bunch of weight inexplicably and lost it in 2 weeks after a binge drinking and non-eating, crying and pity fest - only to realize afterward that my life had just begun.
Summaries are for sparknotes. People are lengthy novels made of words, motifs, themes, layers of tattered pages and broken binding. They are beautiful and deserve to be read.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Starting tomorrow...
Is the second week of classes of my 'senior' year(s) of college. I have only a few more classes to finish and I'll be done. I reflect on this as I'm working at the front desk of a dormitory. Answering phones, calling taxis for these residents who can't speak English well, checking every person who walks in, and signing in non residents.
I barely have time to think about this essay (one out of two) that I must write to turn my two incomplete courses into As. I also have yet to receive a response from the teacher who assigned these essays even though I've emailed her two weeks ago.
As a 24 year old with a facebook I open up my newsfeed and this is what I see:
Blahtey McBlahface just changed her work information to English Teacher at T. Blaherson Memorial High School.
Facer Blahs just wanted to let everyone know that Whatshisface and I are expecting our 2nd child.
Dudeface BlahandBlah is now married to Bitchface BlahandBlah
Creepy O'Blah just changed his current residence to Virginia Beach, Virginia.
Creepy O'Blah is so glad he just got that promotion Virginia Beach is ace.
Now...I mean...besides the nonsensical names and my uncreative name of a school this is pretty accurate to what I see every time I log on to facebook. If it wasn't for the fact that I have no other way to contact some people other than on facebook I'd delete the whole thing all together.
My friend Nicole and I were speaking of this issue a week ago. We agreed that we feel like everyone is moving ahead in their lives and for some reason we aren't making any progress. How we must seem pitiful to the people who see us in their newsfeed. Because nothing important, impressive, or grown-up is happening to us.
I think this is geared mostly to our high school peers whom even though many didn't go to college seem outwardly to have way more going on for them in life. Kids, 9-5 jobs, families, homes, all the things that we want. Nicole has a degree but no job within that field, I have a college job but no degree. It seems to us that we just can't get out of these situations. When every one you've ever despised or admired, every person you grew up with is experiencing 'the life' that you always wanted and it is right in your face like that it makes you sort of feel like shit.
One particular thing we focused on was our past high school relationships and how our extremely immature (at the time) exes were now engaged or moved-in with someone they had only dated a year. When we dated these men for 3 and 4 years respectively. While we both agreed that we are much happier in the relationships we are in and that we'd much rather have spent a long time with our new boyfriends rather than wasting that time with the two people we dated we both couldn't help but feel piteous and almost "not good enough." She was going through her piteous stage on that particular evening. I had already completed that about 2 years ago now I've let it go. But yes, I told her that I had felt this way when I first found out my ex was moving in with a girl he was only dating for a year.
We thought of how fast time had gone. Only 6 years now since we graduated and so much has happened. So much has happened to everyone around us, but not much has happened to us.
We changed, we still love each other, we're still best friends. But besides getting degrees and working our asses off we don't have much we can show for it. Maybe some debt now, some hugely horrible failed relationships, but we are no closer to living the life we both wanted. That duplex close to some city. Her art on my wall, my books dedicated to her. In 6 years our counterparts have lived more life than we have and in the interest of being 'safe' or 'smart' we've abandoned this chance.
But at 24...we still have a lot of life to lead. And while I know that we will have all these things that we want. I can't help but to agree with her in some ways. I gave up a lot of dreams. In high school I wanted to attend NYC as a journalism major and write for the New York Times. When I realized my family was way too poor and I wasn't smart enough to receive the aid/scholarship to go I gave up on this and applied for a technical school. Because I thought this technical school would be quicker and cheaper it became my ideal. Then...I gave that up for a future with a guy. I don't know what Nicole's dreams were in high school other than wanting to move to Japan. But I lost mine. I got lost in a make believe future and I got lost in the idea that I wasn't good enough for the dreams I had. I know she got lost in those things too.
But, I'm happy that we got lost together...there is no other friend that I'd rather share this experience with.
P.S. An ELI student walked past me and he smelled so good. Like lilacs. Sorry, I'm easily distracted.
I barely have time to think about this essay (one out of two) that I must write to turn my two incomplete courses into As. I also have yet to receive a response from the teacher who assigned these essays even though I've emailed her two weeks ago.
As a 24 year old with a facebook I open up my newsfeed and this is what I see:
Blahtey McBlahface just changed her work information to English Teacher at T. Blaherson Memorial High School.
Facer Blahs just wanted to let everyone know that Whatshisface and I are expecting our 2nd child.
Dudeface BlahandBlah is now married to Bitchface BlahandBlah
Creepy O'Blah just changed his current residence to Virginia Beach, Virginia.
Creepy O'Blah is so glad he just got that promotion Virginia Beach is ace.
Now...I mean...besides the nonsensical names and my uncreative name of a school this is pretty accurate to what I see every time I log on to facebook. If it wasn't for the fact that I have no other way to contact some people other than on facebook I'd delete the whole thing all together.
My friend Nicole and I were speaking of this issue a week ago. We agreed that we feel like everyone is moving ahead in their lives and for some reason we aren't making any progress. How we must seem pitiful to the people who see us in their newsfeed. Because nothing important, impressive, or grown-up is happening to us.
I think this is geared mostly to our high school peers whom even though many didn't go to college seem outwardly to have way more going on for them in life. Kids, 9-5 jobs, families, homes, all the things that we want. Nicole has a degree but no job within that field, I have a college job but no degree. It seems to us that we just can't get out of these situations. When every one you've ever despised or admired, every person you grew up with is experiencing 'the life' that you always wanted and it is right in your face like that it makes you sort of feel like shit.
One particular thing we focused on was our past high school relationships and how our extremely immature (at the time) exes were now engaged or moved-in with someone they had only dated a year. When we dated these men for 3 and 4 years respectively. While we both agreed that we are much happier in the relationships we are in and that we'd much rather have spent a long time with our new boyfriends rather than wasting that time with the two people we dated we both couldn't help but feel piteous and almost "not good enough." She was going through her piteous stage on that particular evening. I had already completed that about 2 years ago now I've let it go. But yes, I told her that I had felt this way when I first found out my ex was moving in with a girl he was only dating for a year.
We thought of how fast time had gone. Only 6 years now since we graduated and so much has happened. So much has happened to everyone around us, but not much has happened to us.
We changed, we still love each other, we're still best friends. But besides getting degrees and working our asses off we don't have much we can show for it. Maybe some debt now, some hugely horrible failed relationships, but we are no closer to living the life we both wanted. That duplex close to some city. Her art on my wall, my books dedicated to her. In 6 years our counterparts have lived more life than we have and in the interest of being 'safe' or 'smart' we've abandoned this chance.
But at 24...we still have a lot of life to lead. And while I know that we will have all these things that we want. I can't help but to agree with her in some ways. I gave up a lot of dreams. In high school I wanted to attend NYC as a journalism major and write for the New York Times. When I realized my family was way too poor and I wasn't smart enough to receive the aid/scholarship to go I gave up on this and applied for a technical school. Because I thought this technical school would be quicker and cheaper it became my ideal. Then...I gave that up for a future with a guy. I don't know what Nicole's dreams were in high school other than wanting to move to Japan. But I lost mine. I got lost in a make believe future and I got lost in the idea that I wasn't good enough for the dreams I had. I know she got lost in those things too.
But, I'm happy that we got lost together...there is no other friend that I'd rather share this experience with.
P.S. An ELI student walked past me and he smelled so good. Like lilacs. Sorry, I'm easily distracted.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Re-using
So it has been quite a few months since I used you, blogspot.
I think that I will now begin to use you again.
I'll be graduating in a few semesters and once that is over your use for me will be doubled. I will have time and energy to write what I want too and it will be an outlet that is a non-graded one.
Also I'm gradually coming to realize that I miss having my online presence the kind I had when I was younger. So you will once again be an important aspect of my daily life.
I promise. Slow going, but we'll make it.
I think that I will now begin to use you again.
I'll be graduating in a few semesters and once that is over your use for me will be doubled. I will have time and energy to write what I want too and it will be an outlet that is a non-graded one.
Also I'm gradually coming to realize that I miss having my online presence the kind I had when I was younger. So you will once again be an important aspect of my daily life.
I promise. Slow going, but we'll make it.
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